Thursday, July 16, 2020
It has been often said and proven that your happiness cannot be found in another person. Sure we involve
ourselves, develop, build, destroy, reconnect, disconnect, etc from others on a continuous basis, but yet those relationships do not define who we
are as individuals. More so it highlights our social in/eptness.
For a long time I was involved in a relationship with a guy who had a
troubled past. We were complete opposites and totally wrong for each other. Yet I tried to stick it out because
I didn't want to fail at love, being accomplished in so many other areas, and felt socially pressured about being in a relationship, particularly for someone "marriage" aged.
Fast forward eight years later and I'm still not married. Neither do I have any children. But I have reached a level of
emotional maturity where being married and having a family is not an overwhelming priority but would be a welcomed balance to the beautiful chaos known as life.
Getting to a single greater me in order to treasure the awesomeness of my future You.
Friday, September 20, 2019
Sexual tension, attraction and intimacy. We all feel it. We all crave it. We all need it. At different
levels or stages, women and or men engage in some form of social relationship. Some just for the
moment, while others with hopes of finding an ever-lasting love. Below is a scale I created to help
explain the role of how sexual tension, attraction and intimacy may effect the longevity and
significance of relationships between women and men.
Sexual Tension, Attraction and Intimacy Scale(S.T.A.I. scale)
Level 4- The stronger the Sexual "Tension" & Attraction (S>T>A),The stronger the Intimate (I) bond between a man and woman.(Long Term Relationship). Even in the greatest LTR's their are going to be times sex does not play a central role in the relationship. It is not about the act of sex(penetration). More so about a deeper love and understanding of self and your partner.
Level 3-The presence of some Sexual "Tension" & Attraction (S>T>A), The luke- warm the Intimate(I) bond is between man and woman.(Strictly Non- Serial Dating)
Level 2- No Sexual Tension, Some attraction(A only), The intimate bond is at it's beginning stages between a man and woman.(Serial/Non Serial Dating).
Level 1- No Sexual Tension , No attraction. Let's be friends.
No "Sex" Zone
Notice in each level sexual tension and not the act of sex itself is mentioned. And this is for a reason.
The reason is in order for men and women to build stronger, loving relationships and connect a more
intimate bond, sex alone cannot play a major role in the relationship.. Also this is a determining
factor on whether a man or woman is serious about long term committed relationship vs. just the
occasional hook-up for empty sex. You ( male or female) have to make a decision about what you
really want ultimately.
Sexual Tension, Attraction & Intimacy- A Closer Look
At level 1,the Friendship stage, there is no sexual tension or attraction. But how many people are
running around with engaging in the friends with "benefits" relationships? FYI- Real Friends don't
have sex with one another. You are basically giving this person or people the permission to sample
your body in these type of situations. Level 2, There is no sexual tension, but their is attraction.
Men and women are drawn to each other. Their is a desire to learn more about one another for those
that are looking for something stable. For others, it can be a way to gain access to having lots of sex,
in one or more relationships, while deciding who and what you want. Men and women being more
honest about their feelings at this level could really save a lot of heart ache.(Serial/Non-Serial Dating)
Those men and women that reach Level 3 have decided to up their game. Investing their time,
energy, money and commitment to building a monogamous relationship with someone of their
choosing. The man or woman chosen for their love used to be a friend, they possibly serial/non-
serially dated, but have demonstrated a strong desire for a more complete relationship. Lastly
Level 4 is for mature men and women in Long term relationships, which includes engagement and
marriage. At this level, men and women have been able to maintain a lasting, loving relationship
because they have attained a deeper intimate bond, where sex is not centralized. The sexual tension
and attraction is not over powering. It is just the right balance that allows for success in these types
Am I telling women or men not to have sex? Of course not. But sometimes you have to hold out
until that special someone comes along.
Until next time...………….
Ms. Sassy D
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Ugh. I really try my damndest to treat others well. Many times I have taken the high road and walked
away from chaos, confusion and mess. Thwarting the feelings of injustice I felt for the purpose of
letting my light shine. But how much is enough? Why do people feel emboldened to rip you apart
with their mouth? Like when is that ever ok. I was taught to treat others with kindness, but when it is
not reciprocated, a real desire to distance myself takes root.
I need to just put my troubles in a bubble and watch it float away. Let me know what ya think in the
comments. What is the deciding factor for continuing or distancing yourself from toxic relationships?
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